


Shattered

by L_C



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-18
Updated: 2010-09-18
Packaged: 2017-10-12 00:06:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/118631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_C/pseuds/L_C
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes life is too short</p><p>*Nominated for 2010 Gatefic Awards - Daniel/Vala angst</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> Written in speculation for "Continuum" before it was released.  
> I just couldn't get past the fear that Vala wouldn't survive beyond Continuum.

“Jack.” The archaeologist didn’t even flinch at the sudden appearance of his oldest friend.

“Daniel.” Jack peered at the younger man. 

Even the dim light couldn’t disguise that the passage of time and the trials of the past 10 years were finally starting to show in Daniel’s boyish good looks.  The thought frowns that creased his forehead so frequently were almost permanent.  Jack sighed and took the seat next to his friend. He figured the creases would soon be set in concrete. Jack stared at the items in front of Daniel.  Six all together, so far only three looked different than the others.

“Drinking Daniel? And alone? This isn’t like you.”

“Why not, Jack?” he didn’t even look up from the shot glass he was fiddling with, “I’ve been known to drink, and I’m definitely alone.”

“Well, I was more referring to the actual drinking by yourself.”

Daniel picked up one of the remaining full shot glasses and set it carefully in front of Jack. “There ya go. Now I’m not. Happy?”

“I’d be happier if you came back to the base with me.”

Daniel picked up another filled glass and shook his head. “Not gonna happen Jack,” he dragged the glass through the rings of moisture on the bar top. “Probably not ever…I gave Hank my resignation a couple of hours ago.”

“I know.”

“Ah…hoped you could change my mind, did he?”

“Nope…he was just worried about you…everyone is.”

Daniel nodded, but said nothing. He continued to say nothing for several minutes.

“Memorial’s this afternoon.” Jack knew he didn’t really have to state what Daniel was already aware of, but the silence was unnerving.

“Forgive me if I don’t go,” Daniel tossed back the contents of the shot glass in one gulp, gritting his teeth as the liquid burned down his throat.

“Be kinda nice if you could say a few words…you were her closest friend.”

Daniel snorted a harsh bark of a laugh. “Friend and coworker huh…shoulda known that would come back to bite me in the ass,” he stared off into space for a long minute, his jaw clenching and unclenching, “Nope not a good idea,” his voice was thick and tight, “I can’t even put two thoughts of her together without falling apart, how the hell am I suppos’d to say something out loud?”

“So you’re just going to stay here and get quietly drunk?”

Daniel shook his head and reached for the last shot glass. “Nah, I’m goin’ home to do that…and I’m aimin’ for oblivion, not just drunk.”

“So what is this?” Jack waved a hand to indicate the surroundings.

“This…this is a pit stop to drown out the atmosphere at the base…nobody knows what to say to me…they all…all just look at me in confusion…shit I don’t…don’t even get the empty plat…plat…i…tudes a spouse would.”

Jack choked on the first sip of the Scotch he had taken. “Daniel? Spouse?”

Daniel swung red-rimmed eyes to his best friend. “No…no Jack, not even close…” his voice dropped to a whisper, “…couldn’t take the chance,” the last shot of Scotch went down.

Jack watched Daniel’s eyes screw shut and his throat tighten convulsively, not sure if it was a reaction to the burn of the liquor or an effort to keep himself together.

Daniel put the glass carefully beside the others and stood up, gripping the edge of the bar to steady himself. “Time to go.”

Jack saw the hand on the bar. He stood, letting his own hand hover under Daniel’s elbow.

“How ‘bout I tag along?”

Daniel shrugged, pulling a couple of bills from his pocket.  He dropped them beside the empty glasses and turned to leave. He stopped, his hand on the bar again.  With a sheepish grin he turned slowly to Jack. “Sure…I prolly shouldn’ be driving.”

Jack cocked an eyebrow and shook his head. “Ya think?”

***************************************  

“Yeah hi, it’s me…yeah I found him…no Hank, I brought him home…yeah no problem…lemme talk to Carter would ya?”

“Hey…in the strip joint down the road from the main gate…his car was just about the only one in the parking lot…oh he’s definitely on the way…he have anything this morning besides coffee? Yeah I figured that was why a few shots were hitting so fast, even for him.”

“Sittin’ at his kitchen table, staring off into space…I’m in the grocery store down the street gettin’ a few things…he’s so laughable…he decides he’s gonna drink himself into oblivion.”

“Yeah his words…but he’s got nothing other than a couple of beers in his fridge…so I’m gettin’ some food and a bottle of JD…yeah well it’s better than lettin’ him drink alone… no of course not, he should be so far gone by dinnertime he’ll never know we didn’t finish the bottle”

“Yeah I’ll stay with him tonight, but I’ve gotta head back to D.C. tomorrow…now I know you guys would always keep track of him, but it might not be a bad idea to set up some sorta schedule between the three of ya for the next week at least, so there’s always one of ya with him”

“He made one of those offhand comments he makes when he drinks…and in the cold light of day when he’s sober, he probably won’t even remember sayin’ it or even thinkin’ it, but when his guard is down like this, I gotta figure the concept has come from somewhere.”

“I asked what his booze of choice was and he made a remark about 80 proof, so I said, ‘Geez Daniel, that stuff’ll kill ya’…he says ‘now there’s a thought’.”

**************************************    


Jack stepped into the kitchen. “Daniel?”

He noted, with mild concern that his charge was no longer sitting at the kitchen table. Jack retrieved the bottle of amber liquid and slid the rest of the bag into the ‘fridge.

“Daniel?” he walked through the dining area and stopped. 

The sight of his best friend sitting on the floor against the living room wall, face wet with tears, staring at a picture, almost broke him.

Jack padded across the carpet to sit on the floor beside him.

“Did she know how you felt?’

Daniel shrugged. “Mabbe…doubt it…I was so damn good at pushin’ her away.”

“Did she feel the same way?”

“I dunno,” he swiped at his eyes, “she was even better at hiding than I was…always ready with a flippant answer. I kept pushin’ at her in the last 6 months to show me the truth, but she wouldn’t let me in…this weekend though,” he indicated the framed photo, “first team weekend after the whole time dil’ tion thing…there was this…this synchro… synchro…ni…city…between us.”

Jack snorted and shook his head. “Only you, Daniel, would be able to get that word out when you’ve been drinking.”

A small, wry smile tugged at Daniel’s mouth but his eyes didn’t leave the picture.

“We were off-world for mosta the week aft’r that, I was gonna take her to dinner wh’n we got home…a real date…but she got sick…on’y the second time she got the ‘flu…so it was gonna be when she was feeling better…and then Tomin,” Daniel’s voice cracked, “showed up and all hell broke loose.”

He touched the picture with a gentle finger, “I was such a gentl’man…I decided to give her two or three moths…months after Tomin’s death before tryin’ again...and then,” the hand touching the picture clenched.

“God, it was a simple recon…we were j’st suppos’d to witness the exe’ution to make sure it really took place… and now,” he choked back a sob, “and now I got nothin’” he took a ragged breath.

“I never told her…” he covered his eyes with a hand, “I never kissed her…” his voice dropped to a shaky whisper, “I never made love to her…” he leaned his forehead on his knees, “with Sha’re, I gotta year’s worth of memories…but this…is justa big fuckin’ hole of regret,” he flung the picture away.

It shattered against the wall and so did he. 


End file.
